What to expect from your coaching journey
- Mar 27
- 6 min read
Updated: Apr 9
By Racheal | Organisational Psychologist & Executive Coach
I've worked as a coach for over 15 years now, about 1500+ hours of coaching leaders around the world. Here's a few things you need to know about coaching, based on my experience.
Not all coaching is equal
There have been many times when a leader approaches me for their first coaching session and says: 'I've worked with a coach before, and I have not found it useful at all.'
I usually acknowledge their resistance and as we coach, observed their body language change, from closed to open, and becoming engaged and thoughtful. At the end of the session, they usually say: 'This is nothing like the coaching I have experienced previously! I found this to be an extremely valuable session, it made me think and see this with a new perspective!'
Unfortunately, these days, everyone seems to be a coach, thinking it is easy money. So when looking for a coach, look for experience and look for a deep understanding of human behaviour. And a coach who is deeply invested in supporting your growth. Ask for recommendations from colleagues, friends and family who have had great coaching experiences. Most coaches offer a 30 minutes chemistry call, try it out and see if this is the coach you want to partner you in your coaching journey.
I found this to be an extremely valuable session, it made me think and see this with a new perspective!
Be Coach-able:
Yes, the coach needs to possess the skills and depth of experience to coach you. And, you need to be ready to do the work. Being coach-able means that your need to be open to learning, and growing, and in order to do that you need to be able to suspend your judgement and preconceived notions and be curious.
I once had a brilliant new leader meet with me for coaching, who wanted to get it all done themselves, and thought this was how to be successful. And they were surprised when I said: If this is your approach, I will not coach you.'
Luckily, they were open to learning, and quickly realised that they needed to adjust their attitude. Over the 12 months that we worked together, looking at some of the challenges they faced, and remain opened to learning, and trying something new. Some of the things they worked on was the direct opposite of what they thought they needed to do to be successful!
The Power of Unlearning
And at the end of our coaching journey, this incredible leader told me, that they would have never realised that their outlook on what would make them successful would change so much, but their work is easier, the relationships with colleagues and clients are so much better, and they actually work less than they did at the start of the coaching journey, and get much more done! This is the power of being open, curious and willing to unlearn. You need to be willing to explore and say 'Let's see what this leads'.
One of the key skills for development, especially in a complex, fast changing world, is not just learning new skills, it's unlearning, what worked in the past, before you can relearn, or learn new things. What got you here, won't get you to the next step, unless you unlearn what is obsolete, and holding you back.
In order, to unlearn and relearn, is it important that you make time for your conversations, and it helps if you have at least 30 minutes afterwards to reflect on the session, and put some actions into place.
What got you here, won't get you there.
Insight happens between sessions as well
Within an hour coaching, there is usually some insight that happens. But with the conversation, the questions and exploring that happens, this curiousity continues after the session. Many times, the follow up coaching conversation starts with the coachee saying: 'So I've been thinking about what you said/asked in our last coaching session.'
This is one of my favourite ways to start a coaching session! There is a lot that happens during the coaching conversation, too much to fully process if completely, but if you allow it to percolate, the ideas, and connections with emerge. This happens for all leaders of course, however I do find that it happens more for introverts, since as we psychologists say: The introvert's world is larger than their external world'.
On a few occasions, I have coached leaders who did not like the coaching conversation, and some questions that were raised. Or who don't think a question or statement relevant, but then comes back with an insight.
I recall one leader who seemed disappointed, and defensive at the end of the conversation.
However, a month later, this same leader showed up to the coaching session, with a completely different frame of mind, 'Our coaching session last month was the best coaching session I ever had. I went back and reflected and had some open and frank conversations with my team. And I want to say that I did not like what we covered in the coaching session, but it was exactly what I needed and I wished someone had told me this much sooner, because now I know what I need to change..'
It seems unrealistic to expect all insight to happen only during the coaching session. However, the coaching session should be one that incubates new perspectives, and challenges 'old mental models', and also allows a supportive environment to be able to look at it without judgement, and asking:'what's going on here?' When done well, the coachee leaves with 'food for thought' that incubates, and at best creates the connections and meaning. This is what we would love to see.
So I've been thinking about what you said/asked in our last coaching session.
You are in control of the conversation
You decide which path we walk down, I may asked you some questions about the surroundings, or where another path leads, but you are the expert of your life, you bring the meaning. I will go with you where you lead. ~ Racheal
If your coach doesn't check in on how the conversation is going, how are you doing with the topic at hand, or asking questions that you don't like: let the coach know. A great coach welcomes that.
I usually start with a check in from the last coaching session, what's been happening since we last spoke, then I will ask topic will we be talking about today. A few times in the conversation, I will check in on direction, "where do you want to go next?' ' How is the session going so far' and at the ' Did we cover what you wanted to cover?'
When I start coaching, I like to use the metaphor of going on a walk/hike together: This territory is your life, I am walking with you, as a thinking partner, and mirror. You decide which path we walk down, I may asked you some questions about the surroundings, or where another path leads, but you are the expert of your life, you bring the meaning. I will go with you where you lead.' I may use some of the tools such as your leadership assessments, 360 feedback etc to explore the territory with you.
Chemistry Session
If you are interested in coaching, and would like to learn more, as chemistry session is great starting point. You can obtain answers for any lingering questions you may have, and checking if there is a good fit with the coach. Research has shown that the personalities of the coach and coachee does not play a significant role in coaching effectiveness, the working alliance of the two in terms of working towards goals is more important in achieving effective coaching. 1
A chemistry session is typically a free, 20–30 minute conversation. Think of it as a mutual interview: you are assessing the coach just as much as they are learning about you. Come with questions. Notice how you feel during the conversation. Trust your instincts.
Ready for Clarity?
Most senior leaders I speak to aren't struggling with capability. They're struggling with clarity. If you're heading into Q2 feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or like you're leading on autopilot — I'm opening up 3 free 30-minute Leadership Clarity Calls this week.
No pitch. Just a focused conversation to help you identify what's really getting in your way.
Comment "CLARITY" below or send me a DM to grab a spot.
About Racheal
Between you and I, there is a space... I will meet you there.
I'm passionately obsessed with what happens in this space. The Space to just be. Getting off the hamster wheel of Life. Stepping away from what you're supposed to do. What the world said you are. Meeting yourself, and taking a breath. Finding your purpose, or remembering your purpose. Connecting with what makes sense. Experiencing a transformation. Finding alignment.
Racheal is an Organisational Psychologist, executive coach and facilitator of leadership programmes world wide. She focuses on equipping and building wise, and resilient leaders. The Sapient Space provides fun, fresh ways to learn, and most importantly connect and find community. We provide leadership development solutions for individuals as well as customised programmes for organisations.
References:
1 de Haan, E., Grant, A. M., Burger, Y., & Eriksson, P.-O. (2016). A large-scale study of executive and workplace coaching: The relative contributions of relationship, personality match, and self-efficacy. Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, 68(3), 189–207.
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